Oscar Ratings Drop 8 Percent From 2005

That’s all?!  Jeez, we’re slipping.  Remind me to care even less….

The joyous (slightly overworked) day has arrived.  For a limited time only, we present an abridged version of “Sleepless Days” by Jamie Lawson and Joe Medina, otherwise known as yours truly and mine truly.  “Sleepless Days” is a story that manages to be romantic, twisted, goofy, kinky, creepy, silly, and soft-hearted…all by devious design.  The full version will appear on the Afterhell Volume 2 CD.

And again, this is for mature listeners only.

Podcasters can find the RSS feed on our Listen page.  If you have comments, questions, or especially if you have trouble with the download, feel free to post a message here on the blog.  Spammers, trolls, and flames need not apply.

Happy Valentine’s Day.  Try not to kill anybody and play nice, mm-kay?

I’ve been teasing our podcast for a while now.  This is barely seven days’ notice, but we’re making sure that it’s running on all cylinders.

As I’m so fond of saying, spread the word:  There will be a special Valentine’s Day podcast.  This will be the world premiere of “Sleepless Days,” one of the stories from our second CD.  You’ll find a new RSS feed on the website and here in a blog entry for that joyous day. 

Music video channels have stolen this bittersweet holiday and turned it into a twisted, maudlin thing.  Afterhell is stealing it back.  Well, okay, probably not.  It was just fun to say.  But seriously, folks….

Our cast and some of our supporters have heard rough mixes, but this will be the first time anyone has heard the final mix.  On the downside, the story will be slightly abridged.  A few minutes have been snipped here and there.  To hear the entire story, you need the new CD.  Yeah, I had to stick it to ya.  But you’ll want to see the cool art design, won’tcha?

Remember:  February 14th, St. Valentine’s Day Afterhell podcast.  Tell your friends, family, and other tolerant familiars.  Don’t bother telling your cats.  They don’t listen anyway.

Lastly, I wanted to put in a final word about Showtime’s Masters of Horror series.  It’s wrapped up its first run of 13 episodes, which are coming out on DVD in the weeks and months to come.  And it’s been renewed for a second season later in the year, if the voices in my head are anything to go by.  I’ve posted comments on it here and my personal blog.  I thought I’d finish all that with thoughts on the last few eps.  I also thought I’d experiment with the lj-cut function, whimsical person that I am.

“Sick Girl”
This is a goofy, surprisingly mature piece of tongue-in-cheek social commentary, courtesy of director Lucky McKee.  A scientist tries to manage the newest acquisition for her collection of living insects and her new stalker girlfriend at the time.  Yeah, she has a girlfriend.  And it’s done with a remarkable degree of sympathy and maturity.  Actresses Angela Bettis and Erin Brown are the heart of the piece.  They carry this off-center hybrid of satire, slapstick, and grade-z horror like naturals.  Angela Bettis creates a deliberately wonky, courageous and heartfelt character that could’ve turned into a joke. Erin Brown, fomerly soft-porn schlock siren Misty Mundae, holds her own easily, giving us a charming and sympathetic performance.  (To think I actually had to research softcore pr0n to get in the loop on this….)  It strains credulity here and there, but the skillful juggling of classic horror tropes, cheeky laughs, and modern social issues make this ep special.

“Fair-Haired Child”
Director William Malone, who did the 1999 House on Haunted Hill remake (and which I liked more than I thought I would), offers a stylish, modern-day Gothic tale with blood and psychodrama mixed in.  This is a story about innocence and devotion gone horribly wrong.  I’ve probably revealed too much of the plot already.  Watching the story unfold, peeling its layers back a little at a time, until you get the whole tragic picture is part of the fun.  The ending seems a little rushed, but the plot twist and the panache in which it’s delivered makes it worthwhile.

“Pick Me Up”
I’ll put it simply and bluntly.  Michael Moriatry’s talents are wasted in this ep.  Director Larry Cohen and writer David Schow, two seasoned veterans of the horror genre, should be ashamed.  I think they were trying to do an O. Henry kind of serial killer face-off here.  And even with the gore and sheer sadism involved, it would’ve worked if they had done it with believable — not even sympathetic, but believable — characters and a less contrived ending.  Instead they settle for shrill caricatures of cynical, paranoid urban dwellers and a rip-off ending that would’ve better suited Tales from the Crypt.  Michael Moriatry is stuck with this blood-splattered turkey, forced to carry the whole story while playing brilliantly, charmingly against type.  But it’s not enough.

“Haeckel’s Tale”
John MacNaughton, the director of Wild Things and Henry: Portrait of a Serial Killer.  Mick Garris, the creator of the TV series.  Clive Barker, one of the true masters of horror, the man who gave us Hellraiser and The Thief of Always.  They come together on one project and adapt a story where Clive Barker returns to his erotic horror roots for the first time in many years.  It’s creepy, dark, and foreboding…a Gothic, almost Lovecraftian probing into sexual mores.    This episode should be reallyreallyreally cool.  Right?  Dontcha think?  Yeah, I thought so too.  Then why do I feel so underwhelmed?  Was it…because I could see the plot twists from 100 klicks out?  Oh yeah, that was it.  But Clive Barker doesn’t do boring, predictable stuff.  It’s like a good Pauly Shore movie.  It can happen, but someone, maybe two someones, maybe the director and the screenwriter, would have go out of their way to turn this story into paint-by-numbers.  Until you’re really short on T&A opportunities, skip this ep.  Ironically…it’s a horrible way to end a horror series.

Okay, so much for all that.  See ya in seven days.

Whew, this month started at high speed for us.  We picked up some additional narration with Sam Mowry, and we had an eight-hour session with Doug at DIG Recording, edging us closer to the completion of “Dying on Stage.”  Special kudos to co-producer and spousal overunit Jamie Lawson — she braved the lunchtime chaos of downtown Portland to bail our butts out of the fire.

We have a working rough mix of “Dying on Stage” now.  Still not ready, though.  It’s taking longer than I’d like, but the results will be worth the wait.  Obviously we’re going to continue until “Dying on Stage,” “Dead Peasants,” and the final mastering of the Volume 2 CD is done.  It feels like we’re coming into the homestretch.

Not to mention the need for more caffeine.

After making our departure from Zazzle, we have returned to CafePress! Our Afterhell Store now has two t-shirt designs, postage stamps, stickers and a mousepad, all featuring art from the incomparable ! More items will be coming soon.

We have removed the actual “Dark Descent” disc from CafePress, as you can obtain it a number of other ways, at a lower price! Check out the Afterhell website for your options.

Thanks for bearing with us through this transition!

Our recording session at Sam Mowry’s WRW home studio yesterday went really well, better than anticipated, in fact.  Scheduling issues reared their ugly head, as they always do, but things fell immediately into place on recording eve.  

The next morning bore shades of Das Boot or Horatio Hornblower.  Jamie compared it rightly to monsoon season.  Intermittent bursts of cold wind and hard rain, with sudden appearances by that big bright glowy thing that occasionally appears in the sky like Nessie, turned everyone’s commute into a minor nautical adventure.

It was the second time I’d ever worked in Sam’s studio and the first time I’d met actor Susan Chapman.  Sam and Cindy McGean recommended her, and she got a firm handle on the role right away.  I hope we can do more stories with her soon.

We laid out a little spread for cast and crew.  There was fruit, coffee, and sandwiches.  And of course Jamie baked some cookies, kind of a tradition for Afterhell studio work.  A little bribery, er, something for everybody.  Our working brunch nearly became lunch before it was time to reluctantly close things up.

So now principal dialogue for “Dead Peasants,” the story that will open Volume 2, has been recorded.  Bits of narration will be recorded later in the week.  Also this week, we’ll be wrapping up edits and fx for “Dying on Stage.”   Then it’ll be post-production time for “Dead Peasants.”

We’re shutting down our T-shirt sales temporarily while we change from Zazzle to our old stomping ground at Cafepress.  This is bound to limit the selection we can offer, but there it is.  We’re sorry for the inconvenience.

Ironically we’re experiencing the very problem I kvetched about in my last posting.  Zazzle didn’t like one of our designs.  And frankly that’s their fault.

Zazzle uses content ratings for their products, much like the MPAA or the TV content rating system we see everyday.  However they use an awkward interface which requires the shop owner to rate every item in the shop.  A shop can’t be labeled PG-13 or TV14 wholesale.

We missed one item.  Just one.

Zazzle caught our mistake.  And they promptly punished us for it.  They closed our shop down.  Then they flooded Jamie’s e-mail with automated alerts.  No warning.  By the time we discovered what was happening, Zazzle had already deleted our files.  Erased our artwork.

And they didn’t even want to discuss it.  They responded to our concerns and complaints with, “Thank you for your comments, if you have any other comments or questions…”  Another form letter.

Needless to say, we’re mad as…all get-out.  Granted, the daunting task of parenting is even harder now than ever before.  But we tell everyone that Afterhell isn’t for younger listeners.  We put disclaimers on the website, in our scripts, in the show.  And we tried to comply with Zazzle’s policies.  But instead of complaining or consulting us, Zazzle censored us.

Speaking for myself, I don’t know what ticks me off more, their draconian response or their hypocrisy.  They don’t mind nasty imagery — good stuff, but easily in our range — as long as you press all the right buttons.  But if you miss one, just one, they can’t wait to jump your bones.

Warn people about Zazzle.  Tell them how they run their business.  Discourage people from using their services as nicely as you can.  No arm-twisting now.  You never know when it might fall off.

And if Zazzle’s tactics offend you, let them know.  Politely.  Firmly.

We’re genuinely sorry to the folks out there who wanted more Afterhell merchandise.  And we know somebody’s out there, buying our stuff, wearing it, and reportedly enjoying it.  We’re doing our best to deliver the goods for ya.

Including a podcast in February.

The first time I tried it, I got a diagram for Dunninger‘s Six Chicks illusion.  I was too lazy to scan it.  So a week later, not noting which books I had where, this is what I’ve got:

Um, it’s for work.  Really.

Those are the words of brilliant filmmaker Takashi Miike.  He was touted as one of the Masters of Horror in Showtime’s TV series of the same name.  I’ve posted my thoughts on the series elsewhere.  (You can look if you like.  I mean, it’s not exactly a long walk from here….)

The irony of all this:  His episode will never air.  The only way to see it, as far as I know, will be on DVD courtesy of Anchor Bay Entertainment.

I haven’t watched a lot of his movies and yet I call him brilliant.  He’s willing to take extreme risks to achieve his goals, pursuing an artistic vision that rings true, at the very least, for him.  His films have been called ultra-violent, bizarre, sick, misogynistic.  Myself, I consider them unflinching criticisms of a world that reflect those values. 

And yes, I do flinch.  If I should ever watch a gore-fest and not even pause, I’d get some serious help.

Showtime’s decision doesn’t surprise me.  Masters of Horror has flirted with brilliance and only rarely made a real commitment.  And I don’t mean in terms of gore, violence, or shock value.  The show has been hit and miss.  Sometimes it hits on a clever idea and plays it out fully.  Sometimes it takes a creative shortcut and offers eye candy, grisly and otherwise.  Only a few times has it struck on the kind of disturbing insights that make true gems of dark fantasy.  And frankly some of us remember how well they’ve botched series like Jeremiah, Odyssey 5, and The Hunger anthology, series that would have turned out well were it not for the network’s collosal missteps.

Sorry, I’ll stop there.  I didn’t intend to make this a lecture or a rant about this, that, and why has my coffee gone cold, yadda yadda yadda.  Takashi Miike’s episode will be available soon.  So will the rest of the series.  My recommendations are elsewhere. 

You can look if you like.  It’s okay, really.  I’m done.  I mean, it’s not exactly a long walk from here….

… were some really cool T-shirts!

Yes, thanks to the incredibly talented ,
Afterhell T-shirts are now available! They come in a wide variety of styles, colors (including some in white which turned out unexpectedly creepy) and sizes through 3XL!

All profits go to the continued development and production of Afterhell.

Enjoy!